I say fulfilled, because as I sit here, I am surprised and yet not surprised to feel out of place in a way. There is no part of me that still wants to be here, even though it is such a beautiful place with absolutely wonderful people striving to grow closer to our Lord and Savior. I know now, with more certainty than ever, that God wants me to be exactly where I am. I received what God desired to give me in abundance while I lived at BC, but now I am definitely called to be in the "real world" and learning to depend on Jesus more and more every day.
Paradoxically it is the experience of finally "supporting" myself that I am learning that Jesus is my stronghold and my life. The only way that I am able to accomplish what I have accomplished is through His grace and mercy. He has blessed me with an amazing family and group of friends that I have no idea where I would be without them. Living on your own, you learn what a blessing it is to be around people you love all of the time. I miss that a lot, whether is was my Benedictine family or my family, I just miss the constant opportunity to share my life experiences, day by day with my loved ones. In appreciating this blessing that God has given me through His children, I am also learning to appreciate how God is always with us. It is so hard at times to remember this, but we are never alone, never. As I drive to work I have the blessing to listen to Catholic radio, and every day, God speaks through something that I hear on the radio, whether it reminds me to pray for a certain person in my life, it challenges me to truly look at my life from a different perspective, or take something I have learned and provides a totally new perspective on life.
Also, this weekend, the focus of my visit to my alma mater was because Matt Maher was coming to share his gift of music and praise. Now, I purposefully chose the words "share his gift" as opposed to "perform" because that is what he was doing. I could tell that he was singing from the heart and he had accepted this musical gift from the Lord as God's calling to share Him with the world. As he sang his simple, and yet stunningly beautiful adoration meditations, he was playing guitar and singing on his knees. All the lights that had been focused on him during the "concert" part were now all centered on the monstrance.
This really hit me and challenged me. I know that God has blessed me with a musical talent and I know that He wants me to share it in some way, but in my sharing it should never be a prideful "showing off", because I am nothing without Jesus. So, God has given me such a gift this weekend to know that I am not alone and to bless me with his gift of music and praise.